and another one...

Looking back, thinking about all I've done over the last few years to heighten my chances of getting in to med school... it's pretty crazy. It just dawned on me today... re-taking the MCAT was not about getting a better score (though intrinsically, it is), it was about proving to myself that I could do it. True, having a better score never hurts... it really doesn't matter. As I have discovered after having my second interview for med school at AZCOM... it's more about how the school feels-- does it fit for me? Can I see myself going there for four years with the students, faculty, facilities and attitudes? This has made me less and less pretentious about the whole DO vs. MD thing. Really, my own philosophy is more in line with being a DO... one who will have the same rights, privileges and opportunities as any MD. I'm an eternal optimist... granted I've had some gloomy days (who hasn't?) there is always an answer, or something else to try. There's no use quitting, as well as only believing the same age old "proven" philosophies when there is so much out there to explore in the realms of healing.
healing... now that is a powerful word, and something DO's tend to take so much more to heart than many MD's I know. I know I would want a doctor who takes a personal interest in my welfare... this is becoming increasingly hard to find.
When it's all said and done... it's purely a game of semantics. MD, DO... I'll be a doctor-- and one that truly cares about her patients.
AZCOM is an amazing institution... there are so many positives, it's hard to find the negatives among them all (I could actually only think of three-- the cost, and two pidly little things-- the library is not open 24h and they don't require use of laptops-- for some, this could be a plus, for me, it's a minus.) I only have a week to find out if admission is a "yeh, neh or maybe." we'll just have to wait and see. After waiting so long already, what's a little more waiting?
I got invited for an interview at KCOM on November 18th. My mom's going with me. It'll be fun.

one step closer

It's been a good week. I had my interview down @ UA on wednesday-- met with the head professor of pharmacology at the med school, who was a very pleasant and intriguing person. It seemed to have went very well-- I wasn't nervous at all, perhaps because I'm on to round two now. It was nice to see all of the things I would love about going to that school... the facilities, the proximity, the cost, and the attitude... all things I'd like to know more about come next fall. Tucson itself can be less than charming in some aspects, but hopefully I'll be able to find someplace nice to live if need be (can you say, "foothills?")
Also rounding out the week... MCAT scores were in today. I ended up with a 29Q, breakdown of physical sci-9, verbal reasoning-9, biological sci-11, writing-Q (writing is scored on a letter scale, J being the worst and T being the best.) Other sections are scored from 1-15, 7-8 being an average score on each subsection. Overall, my percentile score was a range of 70-76ish. This is a good feeling to start with a higher score. Last year, my score was 25Q (P-7, V-9, B-9, W-Q), a much more average level (50-ish percentile) Apparently, my language skills have not improved, but my science skills have.
and let this be proof... standardized tests are bullshit!
Med schools gauge a student's "ability and capacity" to succeed at medical school based on their aptitude on this test... last year, my score would suggest that I did not necessarily have the capacity to make it through med school. OH! but wait... THIS year, I got a better score, so NOW I have the capacity? Am I not the same person I was just a year ago---> the same exact f*ing person?
yes.
point taken.
so I must have miraculously developed some talent that gives me said capacity...
right.
The crap they expect us to believe-- it just makes me sick sometimes.
It's just another hoop.
luckily, I was able to make it through this one.
what's next?
A whole lifetime of hoops, eh?
I'm one step closer to finding out... I feel more comfortable with the prospect of attaining my dream, yet somehow, more uncomfortable in my own skin. I need stability, I need purpose, I need goals. I need human things also.
Saw Elizabethtown at the movies today-- pretty much a classic Cameron Crowe flick. Here's a shout out to all of the other"substitute people" out there... this is my life.
"I'm really only watching life, but long to be part of it..."
Can you get too deep that you can't dig yourself out? Certainly.
Do I get tired of waiting?
For what, you ask?
God, yes, it doesn't matter what we're talking about, I'm always tired of waiting!

k

funny fortune cookie

sometimes it's okay to have a cheap laugh

Your Fortune Is

Just because men have one, doesn't mean they have to be one.

reality strikes

another hour, another day, another week, another month...
it's amazing how little some things change, how much others can, just in a few short months.
It would be interesting to see how my life might unfold if I wasn't in it... now don't think of this b.s. as a suicide attempt... sometimes being so damn literal might be cause, however.
Writing and writing for hours about why I might want to be a doctor gets really old... and then you get over it. Spinning this wheel over and over again in my mind, just wondering what might be in store for the next year of my life... and then remembering how fortune cookie says: the best investment you can make is in yourself.
This might be relatively close to the truth. At least while depending on yourself, there's no one else to blame when things go wrong. All you can do (in the grand Shakespearian tradition) is curse your own fate and eventually resign yourself to whatever that might be. Putting up a fight usually only ends with the same sort of resignation after all.
I'm on the brink... waiting to know...
what's important in life is usually breathing, and it helps if they think of you on a not-so-occasional basis. If only thoughts could materialize... I'd have built myself a castle by now, with a whole population to occupy it.
k