serenity

strength comes from within. so that's what they say...
then again, can it really all come from within when you need the inspiration of others to keep it there?
strength comes from God... now that's a more viable option.
Why do I feel so directionless, even when I'm not? If I've got it so together, why does it feel as though it will all break apart if I fall?
I wonder how it would feel to resign; throw the books off the shelf, knock the frames off the wall... lay my pride on the floor and just let go...
but something keeps me here... what when it goes away?
I hate losing things... my keys, my heart, my mind...
once you've found them... how can you ever let go?
I ask too many questions and I've got no answers...
and I'm boring-- just ask my roommates-- my life's running thin
even self-redeeming actions can be worthless in the end
time is my everything
and I'm losing it
I have moments of sanity-- picking wild berries in the forest, the tickle of lady bugs crawling over every inch of uncovered skin. My soles among the damp ferns blanketing the warm earth as I lift my head and embrace the pure sun, glittering and teasing through the trees. I close my eyes, but they are still penetrated...
this is serenity

k