catching up, dying and being superwoman

I'd like to have a normal life, but then again, they're pretty overrated aren't they?
On a sad note, my uncle died last night... he had been in a coma for a week and a half and was taken off of the ventilator last night. He breathed on his own for three hours and then could not continue. He is in a better place now. I know that for certain. While my uncle was not well and once abused his body, there will always be sadness in his passing. While the chaplain said prayers over his unconscious body… and while he anointed his yellow forehead tears came to my eyes, more for my step-mom and my aunt than anyone. I could barely sleep last night, sick and restless, awoken by nightmares of my life and my poor uncle.
And if this upsets me...how the hell am I ever going to be a doctor without some sort of sedative? I suppose I pride myself on being un-medicated, but I fear the days when this may no longer be true are fast approaching... the normalcy of my life, I'm beginning to realize is a figment of my own imagination. I'm fucked up, just like everyone else, thank you. At least I can still usually stand to look at myself in the mirror when I wake up in the morning.
It is the perfectionist in me that is my worst enemy. Believing in God and having the faith to pursue my dreams... it takes a lot more strength than passing the classes and taking the test. It takes passion.I can't wait for august. I can't wait to have a life again. I can't wait to have my own space. I can't wait to find a man who truly loves me. I can't wait to save a life. please help me get to it. soon.

k