first things first

I guess the whole idea of writing in one of these things is plain egotistical... the idea that the craziness in my head might come out sounding poetic or introspective is asking for a lot and not very likely to happen. I struggle with this image of a someone... am I supposed to be this person, or is this person me? There's a soul, and a mind there if you believe that... and a far from perfect shell, but something makes it all come together. "[I'm] stuck together with God's glue," as Bono puts it, and there's nothing else to explain it. Still I find trouble with earthly posessions, situations, and desires. Back to the image- something I simply cannot ever fulfil, because frankly, nothing is ever good enough in this world.
Do you ever go too deep inside your head and wonder if you'll ever come out? I've found sleep can help with that. I'm so frustrated with myself right now... why can't intentions just be verbalized, pure, plain and simple? Communication would be near obsolete. We'd be able to pick out honesty and motivation... find who is pure at heart. Learning from deception should make you callous, yet it does not if you can still see the world, looking for the best, with hope. To me, it seems he who does not have hope is a truly frightening individual... the state is to resign to the evils that tempt without further seeking a greater good in life. I dare not ever lose hope... it sustains me.
But what then as you know someone who occupies more of your thoughts than you'd like to admit? Honesty becomes difficult... not because it's impure, but because it leaves too much exposed. I am afraid. There--I said it. And (imagining) there are things you admit...that after, you are left so bare you feel nothing left- and you'd be completely altered, not just someone influenced by a situation, but part of something entirely new.
I've heard a lot about love. Hell, who hasn't. I think love must be the container for the most intense parts of all things. And I'm a hopeless romantic searching for perfection... perfection doesn't seem like the right word (where's the thesaurus?), but perfection iteself is highly subjective. It'll be truth, kindness, humility, honesty, thoughtfulness, care, intelligence, tact, support, protection, loyalty, dedication, and leadership. There's a saying that goes something like this: If both give all of themselves, and each holds the other completely, then the two will be both one and whole. I might be searching forever, but what if it's right in front of me? Dare I be bold enough to put myself on the line, for then might I find something bearing resemblance to... myself.
k